My ADHD Journey

It’s Neurodiversity Celebration Week, so what better time to write about my experience of growing up and getting diagnosed with ADHD, and what it’s like being inside my brain.

I’ve split this story into two parts - essentially ‘BD (Before Diagnosis)’, and ‘AD (After Diagnosis)’, but it’s still an ongoing journey. Let’s dive in…

Childhood

As part of the diagnostic process, my parents had to fill in a questionnaire about what I was like as a child. Looking back on their answers now with hindsight, it is BLINDINGLY obvious I had ADHD. But ADHD was only formalised as a diagnosis in 1987, and in the early 90s, it was still the belief that it was something only hyperactive little boys had.

But still, the signs were there…

• My brain seemed to work differently to the other kids I knew - and I was often bullied for being ‘weird’

• I was a fidget - could not and would not sit still unless absorbed in something I loved (ahem, hyperfocusing)

• I had visceral reactions to having to do things I found boring

• I had a vivid ‘inner world’ and would sink into elaborate daydreams and made up worlds often

• I had a real thing about textures - playing with my hair, stroking toys - which I now recognise as stimming

• Even then, my emotional dysregulation was clear, and even as a child I had started to self-harm when I couldn’t manage my emotions

An even greater sign was a mother of a recently diagnosed boy with ADHD, seeing me playing with him, saying “Yeah, Sarah looks like she has ADHD - have you had her tested?”. It took 30 years for that testing to happen…

But for the most part, I managed. I did well at school; GCSEs: tick, A-levels: tick, and got into a good university. So far so ‘good’.

Young adulthood

University was for the most part, a great success; I made lots of friends, finding people who were more ‘my people’, and could lean into my weird, nerdy nature and still be loved for it, and I did OK in my final exams.

I fell into my first job, and was able to do something creative, varied and aligned with my passions as a Science Communicator. But ‘careless mistakes’ dogged me, and eventually I got bored and had a total career change at 27, into the world of Consulting.

I maintain that I believe Consulting sucks a LOT of neurodivergent folk in - what motivates ADHDers? Urgency and Novelty. And what career is packed with both of those? You guessed it…

I cycled through several jobs, moving on when I needed a change of scene.

Outside of my job, cracks were really starting to show - I was self-medicating with some pretty unhealthy coping mechanisms like heavy drinking, I had a lot of emotional dysregulation, with regular meltdowns and continuing to self-harm, and was eventually diagnosed with anxiety.

The Pandemic

Like a lot of people with ADHD, the Pandemic for me was the final straw. All the detailed coping mechanisms I had built up for how to manage at work fell apart, and I thought I was having a breakdown. I couldn’t work or focus for days at a time, and I didn’t know why.

I had to take some time off with burnout, and was desperately looking for an answer, when my mum mentioned that conversation with another mum from my childhood about ADHD.

Obviously I turned to a well regarded and accurate source of information… Instagram. A day spent looking at memes and descriptions of symptoms left me weeping - it explained every part of my life. The stimming, the emotional dysregulation, why I was struggling with work so much.

At that stage, it was pretty much a self diagnosis, and one I kept mostly to myself.

Getting a diagnosis

In 2022 I was fortunate enough to start a new job where the private medical insurance had a neurodiversity diagnosis pathway. I started the process as soon as I could, filling in the forms, listing out my symptoms and going through online tests, as well as getting that parental questionnaire done, before meeting a therapist in a 2-hour virtual call. I was so nervous, worried that I might be making it all up or making too much of a fuss.

At the end of the call, he told me that I definitely met the criteria for ADHD, and he just needed a second opinion on what sub-type I should be diagnosed with.

There are 3 types of ADHD - Hyperactive, Inattentive, and Combined Type. You need a certain number of markers in each of the types to be diagnosed with that subtype, or enough in both columns to be diagnosed as Combined Type.

My ADHD is very much Combined - I have lots of Hyperactive traits (including the fidgeting, but a lot of it internalised like a racing mind), but also a lot of Inattentive ones (missing details, careless mistakes, daydreaming).

I felt such relief, but still had to ask for a follow-up call after I gaslighted myself that I really was making it all up and making a fuss. The therapist told me this was common.

So, at 37 I finally had an answer to what was going on in my brain. But it didn’t immediately help me work out what changes to make or what to do or ask for. I very quickly became overwhelmed at work, and had to take some more time off.

Around that time I also tried medication - it made a bit of a difference, but I recognised there were some times when my symptoms were much more manageable - it was on the days when I was doing something I loved, rather than forcing myself to work on something / in a way that did not interest me.

I realised then it was time for a bit of a career rethink.

Now

So I took the plunge, and decided to create a career that works for me, and with my brain. Full of things that fire me up and engage me, but also leaving space for rest.

That’s why I coach - I love working with others and helping them uncover their own selves, their truths, and achieving their wildest dreams. I help fellow ADHDers make sense of their own brains, work out how to manage better in their daily lives, and be a bit kinder to themselves.

And let’s not forget businesses too - they are the environment in which people sink or swim, so I work with them to improve their ways of working, and become more neurodiversity friendly.

My passion and creativity, empathy and intuition, and love of working with people are all sparked by what I do now.

But I’m still a work in progress, and still on a journey. I still struggle with my ADHD regularly, and the thought of entering perimenopause terrifies me, as it’s a time when a lot of ADHD women really start to struggle, as dopamine-regulating hormones like oestrogen start to drop.

But that’s round the next bend. For now, I’m just grateful for how far I’ve come.

If anything in this article has resonated with you, and you’d like a chat about ADHD coaching, you can book a free chat with me to find out more.